Have you
by Jikufurido
Summary: Kazuki is now not interested. What about some teenager talk?


**Have you...**

It was a day like everyday, almost quieter than the daily basis on Tatsumiya island. As usual, in late morning some Festums appeared here and there trying to understand, to assimilate the human beings in order to be one and the same. But they were gone by now and the current positions were on hold by the residents. The agents of Alvis could do whatever they want with their time inside of HQ, as long as they were in the range of action inside their shift, of course. Because of that, Kazuki was playing some simulation games. His turn was just starting, so he has to kill some time until something happens.

- But... why are you here, in my room?

Soushi asked, for the third time, without taking his eyes off from the checked board in front of him. Kazuki wasn't paying attention to Soushi's words or, if he was, the answer wasn't more important than his simulated baseball game. His hands were moving all around his body trying to get the virtual ball like a honey glued stick on the floor with flies around. Soushi sight and then returned to his chess game, at least he wasn't totally alone, even if Kazuki wasn't playing the match with him.

The time passed softly and Soushi smiled subtly, the silence was funny with Kazuki's breathing sounds as only music. It was funny to look at him all rushed just like he actually was running on some random stadium. And then he stopped.

- I won. - his voice wasn't motivated. He won and it didn't look like he was. Even his shoulders were a bit down now.

Kazuki toke off the game head devices and turned them off. He sat down finally and recovered from the play exercise, spacing out for a couple of minutes. For a moment he only stayed there, looking at the box where he packed it all, but then he rolled on the sofa and looked straight to Soushi. His eyes full with sudden seriousness.

- Tell me, Soushi, have you thought about sex before?

The question wasn't expected in any form. Soushi's hand trembled and some pawns fell as consequence. Soushi looked at Kazuki, who was truly solemn, no smile, no joking. Without making further facial movement, he stood up and got face to face with Kazuki, ready for a long and mature conversation.

- This is because the age. - started before he sat in his new position. - You know, sex is the other face of procreation. Humans do it because of the feeling over the survival duty, which is no really working by now. In first instance...

- No, Soushi. I know that already. - Kazuki interrupted his friend speech. - This isn't what I'm asking about.

- So... what are you talking about then?

- I said, have _you_ thought about it before? - his emphasis was done with extreme caution.

Even if Soushi was aware about the topic, he couldn't avoid blushing covering his face quickly. The reaction itself delayed, he stood frozen for a while as mere response.

- Why are you asking? - finally asked back, that was the first thing he could do, and the safest.

- Because, lately, I'm not getting interested in anything. - his eyes now were staring at the floor as if the words were written on there.

- You mean, you want to try it because nothing else can amuse you? - Soushi recovered the calm and now was fully into the counselor role.

- Something like that. Besides killing Festums, I mean, fighting to protect the island... I can't find other way. That's the only thing I can think about and want to do all the time. But I know this will end someday. Even that virtual game just now was boring.

- I see. - Soushi did a pause before continuing. - How did you get this idea?

- You know, I was in Toomi's house and when she got out for a moment to pick something I can't remember what it was, I heard it.

- Hear what?

- Her sister and Michio.

The silence raised and they were only looking at each other. The situation weren't uncomfortable but strange enough to make Soushi a bit uneasy. Kazuki seemed to be really serious about that, he was trusting on him. Soushi could feel like his friend was worried about the subject, and didn't want to disappoint him.

- I suppose you tried it with Toomi. - finally Soushi managed to say.

Kazuki moved on the sofa, lowering even more his head as if that movement could hide his face between his shoulders.

- I tried to... imagine the situation. - a clear blush was now, not only in his cheeks, also on his ears.

- Did it work? - Soushi frowned a bit confused.

- Not really. - he hesitated. - I read about that and tried to do it my way and all.

- Are we talking about masturbation now?

- Don't say it like that! - Kazuki almost yelled every word. He was totally embarrassed by the situation, it was written all over his face. - Sorry...

- Don't worry, it was my fault. I was a bit... insensitive about it.

The silence was there again. Kazuki breathed deeper before taking up again. He was getting more and more nervous, but he wasn't going to quit.

- I just didn't get any... I couldn't make it work with Toomi. - he managed to say without muttering.

- Maybe you should try it with someone else. I don't know, Sakura could be, but she is into Kondou right now. It's likely going nowhere if she works for you in this stage.

- I did. - was the single response of Kazuki. Soushi lost his sight on the white roof, while thinking he didn't notice that Kazuki have started to shake badly.

- And I suppose it worked. - Soushi put his hand below his chin, ready to make the point clear for Kazuki. He wanted to be of help. - But now you have other problem, Kazuki. Kondou is not match for you in a fight, if you decide to take over her, that can be a fine way, but Sakura seems to be...

- Soushi, stop that. - Kazuki tightened his fits fiercely and then bite his lips.

- What's wrong?

Soushi didn't have a clue now. He was so lost on his own way of thinking that Kazuki got into a different plane where he couldn't know what was happening.

- I didn't say I tried it with her. - he stopped and then panicked. - I did, but I am not saying she worked either! You aren't listening! I am not talking about they! It is about you, you know?

He stood up and got closer to Soushi, who was shocked for his reaction, and grab his arms firmly. For a moment they didn't say a word, they didn't even move.

- That's why I asked... that's why.

- Are you... - Soushi couldn't make sense to finish the sentence. Kazuki's hands pressed even more on his arms, his weight was overcoming Soushi's strength. He couldn't stand straight, starting to fell down on the chair back, fearing Kazuki's closeness.

- Yes, I am meaning it. I even tried you.

- And... I worked.

He didn't correct or deny. It was obvious following the conversation course. In fact, Kazuki realized Soushi wasn't doing anything to get him off, so he was starting to notice his chance for action. Slowly, without rushing, he lowered his face making his lips touch Soushi's. It was only for a second before Kazuki give up kissing and get apart.

- It wasn't like I expected. - he said a bit disappointed, maybe a bit sad too. Walked back to the sofa and lied down on it, letting his legs and arms all extended. - Sorry, Soushi. It was uncalled for. I only wanted to know if...

Soushi undone the mess with his jacket and sat properly again, then gasped. Looking at them was looking at the very beginning, just like if nothing happened.

- Maybe it wasn't because it wasn't intended.

- I don't know. Imagination was different, a lot.

- You should try it for real with Toomi then. It can be different, better. - Soushi closed his eyes, troubled. The situation could turn into something good for Kazuki if he could find what he was looking for. The adults tried to make memories for them before; maybe this urge of his was something necessary too in order to endure the battle.

Kazuki didn't reply, something was wrong with that closed conclusion. He didn't like the idea of trying the same situation with Toomi, he couldn't imagine how he could even face her. He made a serious try with Soushi because he felt confident. Why it didn't work? He _wanted_ it to work.

- Kazuki.

Soushi called for him, but didn't add anything. Kazuki looked at him, he wasn't looking him back.

- You asked me before and I didn't answer. - finally he started to talk. - After everything you have trusted me, I feel like I have to.

- Don't worry, Soushi. I did it because I wanted you to know why I did what I did. You don't have to force yourself because of that.

- No, I want to. - his tone wasn't letting space for any argument. - I did think about this before. But, you know how my position was before about getting closer to anybody. I didn't change it, I agree with orders and I can stick with them without changing my own way of thinking.

- Just like when you... when you said Fafners were more important than us the pilots?

- Exactly. And that's why I always suppress any of these thoughts. I don't need them to command or to operate the System. I can't afford to...

- Soushi, enough. - Kazuki sat suddenly. - I didn't understand back then, but now I do and what are you saying isn't making sense. Nobody is asking you for something you need to fulfill your duties as an Alvis regular. People just need other people. That's all. You are a person too.

- But I have to protect all of this! I don't have to put in danger even a tiny thing because of me and my natural and unreasonable needs! You don't understand, you won't!

They stared at each other, trying to convince and to comprehend the other situation the most. They were apart for so many years, and now they had a totally different reality to burden with.

- It didn't change, Soushi.

- What didn't change? - asked without thinking. He didn't want to lost temper, but the circumstances got over him.

- This. - Kazuki raise a hand slowly and put it over his chest. - The situation didn't change you as a person and it didn't change me as a person either. I won't make any difference with my way of action on battle because I feel like this or like that. I won't start panicking about dying _out there_ only because someone is precious to me _here_. I will fight as always, I will do my best _every_ time. And that's for the island's sake. It is not your kind of sacrifice, but it is hard too!

Soushi tried to make his words sound trough the air, but nothing came from his mouth. Kazuki was right, what he was asking for wasn't anything he couldn't give away. A single tear fell from his left eye, without him allowing it.

- Soushi?

- I will be alright... it is just I am happy.

Kazuki embraced him with his arms to solace him, that was the closest he have ever been to Soushi in his entire life. For a moment he felt Soushi's face over his right arm but in a sudden it was gone and the only thing he could see was the peanut colored hair of Soushi covering his eyes. A pair of hands was holding his waist firmly. Soushi lips were against his, softer and warmer than before. That simple touch was totally another experience, not like he imagined either. Kazuki could feel the impulse to make it deeper using his tongue, so he did, being completely conscious of every reaction it made on him all across his body. From the heat expanding on his low feet until the subtle tickle on his back. Separating their kiss, Kazuki pressed himself upon Soushi.

- Shall we continue?

- Do you really want?

- I am here to start with.

- You are right, again. - Soushi answered just before Kazuki started to kissing him again.


End file.
